I may not know a lot of things but I know for sure that there are two things we need to think about carefully in our life time; who we marry and who we have kids with. As a woman, you need to pick your men with a lot of keenness as you would pick the right selfie to post on social media, or the perfect outfit for which ever occasion. The man you let into your life can either break you or make you. He is a direct reflection of yourself.
Speaking of having kids, this used to be a process that was considered special and a blessing, until some of y’all decided to get pregnant just for fun. It is no secret that there are women who get pregnant on purpose to ‘trap’ a man, to blackmail him into marrying her. Others get pregnant to ruin another woman’s relationship/marriage. I think if you have a choice, you should choose to have a baby with the right man at the right man. Because most women don’t get that choice. There are those who get pregnant as a result of rape. Some think they have found the men of their dreams, only for the relationship to crumble or for the man to flee, hence raising the child alone. But under all these circumstances, no woman chooses to be a single mother. Even with the wrong intentions, most women hope to raise a child together with the father. It is how you conduct yourself if you find get in this single mother dillema that disturbs me.
A few months ago, I got to witness a disturbing event at my little sister’s graduation from kindergarten. I saw a woman openly denying her husband access to their kids. It was very pathetic, and by the look on the faces of the women around, it was very uncomfortable. It was a graduation and also a prize-giving ceremony for the other kids. The parents of the kids being graduated or receiving prizes were required to escort their children to the podium, after which they were to pose for a quick photograph. So this woman gets up with her child, receives the gift, everything seems normal until a man also appears at the podium and an awkward show ensues. Unlike the other couples, these ones shake the hands of the school director and pose for photographs separately. They dont walk away together either, the woman roughly grabs her son and pushes the man as she walks away, visibly angry and bitter. Everybody is confused, from the school staff, the MC and the congregation as well. I look around to see if other people have noticed this, because maybe I am seeing my own things. But everyone is talking about it and gigling in hush tones. Some older women don’t take it lightly and are visibly angry and disgusted.
I never forgot about that incident. It’s still fresh in my mind. I still wonder what happened to that couple? Why was that woman so angry? Why the unnecessary out burst in public? Why get the kids involved? I don’t really care about what had transpired between the two. Disagreements and fights are very normal in a relationship. But that is no excuse to humiliate each other in public, and worse involve innocent kids. The best thing would have been to let the differences slide for the day and be there for their kids. That is being mature and being the bigger person. You just don’t air your dirty linen in public like that. It’s disgusting.
There are plenty of women out here who knowingly deny the father of their kids access. Well, whether you like it or not, making a kid takes two. Even if the man is disabled, poor, uneducated or ugly, he is still the child’s father. Let him be present in the child’s life. Don’t be too quick to brand yourself a single mother when you know very well the father of your kid is a good and hard working decent man, and one that is capable of raising the child/children. Let him do his part in raising the child, and if the child should deny him later on, then it is not your fault, after all, you did your part. Atleast you won’t live with the guilt that comes with not knowing what could happened if you’d just purt aside your ego.
Then there are the drama queens who just want things to go their way or no way at all. When the relationship ends, they completely cut ties in regards to parenting. They get bitter and decide to hide the child from it’s father. Others go to the extreme of telling a child that their father is dead. This is just plain wrong and inhumane. Unless the man flees or poses a threat to the child, let him be a good father. A father who tries his best to provide and be there for his child is better than an absentee one. Appreciate his efforts.
If a man flees,denies or makes a mistake, there is no need of taking to social media to ‘shame’ him. You are also shaming yourself. The things you say about a person, whether they did you wrong or not, are a reflection of how your heart is. It is a delicate situation that requires a lot maturity and understanding. If he leaves, don’t get bitter because it is never your fault. As long as you lay down with him, that makes you his equal. Think long and hard before you folk out deragotary remarks about him. Focus that energy on taking him to court instead and raising your child right.
For those who use a child to black mail and swindle a man, there is a special place in hell reserved just for you. How do you carry a baby in your womb for a whole nine months just to punish a man? How do you bring a human being into this world just to live off it? There are women who view children as avenues of swindling men out of their hard-earned cash so that they can live lavishly. And unless a man is in diapers, you can’t change him; not sex, not food, witchcraft and certainly not a damn baby. When a man sees a good thing, he will change willingly for you. It is not coerced. In the mean time, close your legs and wait for the right man.
You are an agent of lucifer if you knowingly deny your child access to their father. This is 2019. We have beautiful and organized blended families. Co-parenting is a thing now. And it works. No matter how messy you left things at, it can always be resolved with communication and maturity. The Alicia Keys, Mashonda and Swizz Beats situation is living proof of that kind of maturity and openness. Men of today fear pregnancy more than women. If you ever find yourself raising a child alone, just know that it will be alright. You can cry as much as you want to, just make sure you raise that child well. Create an environment where there is love, care and security. Do not pass your anger unto them. You can do better than that. Raising a child while you still hold on to toxicity can be a dangerous thing. Don’t be quick to blame to entire male population for your woes. Remember that no matter what you teach your child, they will always follow your example. What you say, how you say it, what you do and how you value yourself affects them greatly. I pity the children being raised in this era of fake woke women, toxic feminists and weak men. It is tough. The drama I witness on a daily basis on social media and those arround me is enough to burst my pink bubble of baby fever. That fear is my contraceptive, for now